well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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