idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
