i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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