I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
