covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
