We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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