You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
