Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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