Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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