I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
