the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
