chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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