legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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