I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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