Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We are two peas in an std pod
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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