we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
