he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am available for nakedness
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize