It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
