you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
