she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
