Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
