sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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