I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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