I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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