we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
