We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
