We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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