yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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