FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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