a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
