this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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