you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
