That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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