I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
