i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
