Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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