Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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