i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
