My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
