hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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