From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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