Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there's paper in my vomit.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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