Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
