Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
