Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize