What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
