and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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