You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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