Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize