the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
