someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
