Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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