At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
