i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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