Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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