Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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