kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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