just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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