so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
