I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
