Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
