New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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