Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
