I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
