Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Never let your siblings swipe right.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
