i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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