we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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