You made me cry and you don't even care
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He shit in the fireplace
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
