im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
