Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
