Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
