I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
