Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
