I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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