so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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