im having a threesome with these popsicles
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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